


better for me

by glazers



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Fuckbuddies To Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 11:40:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17528048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glazers/pseuds/glazers
Summary: jongin and minseok going from being just each other’s stress relief to something more weird and serious.





	better for me

**Author's Note:**

> references to anxiety and therapy
> 
>  
> 
> i go back to university soon, so i won’t b writing 
> 
> xiukai nation, prosper while im gone

it’s only after jongin’s come for the third time tonight that he wants minseok to leave. it had been nice, but now he wanted to be alone, maybe drink or smoke before falling asleep. the room smells bad, like sweat and come and cheap beer. jongin thinks about getting up and cracking open a window, but his legs are still shaking, so he just lays there, minseok at his side. “okay, well,” jongin says, groans as he sits up, doesn’t want to say thank you, so he just settles for silence, hopes that his demeanor gives off the vibe that he wants to be alone now, that he doesn’t need minseok to cuddle him or sweet talk him. it’s something that he’s never been fond of. 

 

“i’m seeing someone.” minseok says. jongin looks toward his window and notes that it’s raining outside. october rain was odd but not unwelcome. he’s mostly so fixated on the window because minseok  _ just _ said he’s seeing someone, which means that this  _ call me when you’re upset so we can fuck _ arrangement has come to a halt. “did you hear me?”

 

“yeah.” jongin looks back at him and feels weird suddenly, like maybe he should put some clothes on, apologize for the bites he’d left under minseok’s collarbones. wants to apologize for all the embarrassingly gross things he said during sex. “that’s great. that you’re seeing someone, it’s great.” 

 

“thanks.” minseok sits up as well, reaches for his jeans to slide them on but he doesn’t button them yet. “just thought you should know. considering our… friendship.” 

 

he could hardly call minseok a friend. they had been friends once, before vigorous fucking was added to the equation. they didn’t hang out anymore like when they were friends who didn’t fuck on the regular. jongin knows it’s his fault, had created a wall around himself to keep minseok out. “thanks for letting me know.” jongin mumbles, grabs his own jeans from the floor and gets one leg in before he’s wincing from his muscles pulling taut. “just—”

 

“i don’t think we can… anymore.” 

 

“obviously.” jongin laughs, tries to ignore the odd tightness in his chest. minseok’s eyes are on him, watching as he struggles to pull his pants on with how sore he is. “we can still hang out, though.” which easily translates into;  _ we’re never hanging out after this _ . minseok nods, gives him a gentle smile, like he had done when they first met. he had no interest in minseok back then, he didn’t even really like him, seemed too cold and distant, but a friendship began and then that was fucked to hell when he found out minseok could fuck like a dream. and for hours, at that. 

 

“well.” jongin tries again, but minseok seems to get the idea. he buttons his jeans, ties his shoes and grabs his hoodie. 

 

“i still have some of your shit at my place.” minseok says, pointing to a few shirts in jongin’s closet that were clearly his. “do you wanna come get it or?”

 

“it’s fine. keep them.” jongin doesn’t want to see him anymore after this, especially if he’s seeing someone. “i’ll walk you out.” 

 

jongin purposely grabs one of minseok’s shirts from his closet and tugs it over his head. it feels weird, kind of like how a breakup should go, but jongin doesn’t dwell too hard. minseok leans against the door frame once he’s out in the hall and sighs, “lay off the smoking, yeah?”

 

the balls on this guy. “i’ll think about it.”

 

“well.” minseok pauses, looks down the hall. it’s empty, most people fast asleep or getting in from a night out.  _ well. how many times can we say well before you fucking leave?  _ jongin grabs the doorknob and makes a push to close it a bit when minseok yanks his forward. the kiss feels weird, like the type you give someone at the airport when they’re leaving for a long time. or at the hospital when someone’s sick. it’s a goodbye kiss, jongin thinks. jongin bites him, yanks him forward a little back into the threshold of his apartment. “i’ll see you.” minseok whispers, kisses him once before stepping out of jongin’s hands and walking down the hall. 

 

jongin licks his lips before slamming the door shut.  _ seeing someone _ . fuck you for  _ seeing someone _ . 

 

jongin doesn’t hear from minseok for a few weeks after that. 

 

❣️❣️❣️

 

jongin could, if he wanted to, lay off the smoking. but having minseok say it, practically order it of him, only spurred jongin to smoke more. he was spiteful since finding out minseok had been  _ seeing someone _ . even during work hours, when jongin was so busy cleaning needles and disinfecting tattoo stations, he could hear minseok’s words in his head.  _ seeing someone _ . fuck you. sehun picks up on it, as well as the tattoo parlors owner, junmyeon. “you’re especially bitter these days.” junmyeon says, tone gentle like he’s trying to sound like a friend, which he isn’t. not to jongin, at least. 

 

it’s raining outside, october and november being the wettest months on the year in the big city. jongin hums, doesn’t answer junmyeon even though he’s only trying to make conversation. none of them knew minseok, but sehun did know that jongin had a pseudo-friend with benefits. jongin hadn’t mentioned it yet, hadn’t explained how minseok was  _ seeing someone _ and dropped the ball after bending jongin over his bed three times in one night. 

 

he was upset, felt cheated and betrayed and annoyed. not just with minseok but with himself as well. it’s the same recycled shit everyday for fucking weeks. he works, mainly closing shifts, eats something if he’s in the mood, goes home to drink and then falls asleep. he can’t even find someone to fuck, someone to get minseok out of his head.

 

trying proves to be difficult, since most nightclubs are too stuffed with people or too many are straight. so, jongin stays home, ignores sehun’s calls and texts, doesn’t call jongdae, his brother who is clearly worried about him since he moved out, and doesn’t text back chanyeol because he knows better than to open  _ that _ can of worms. 

 

he switches out his cigarettes for herbal ones, ones that are harmless, have lavender and rose hip in it instead of nicotine. jongin doesn’t like them very much, but he vows to stay away from his regular tar ones. 

 

ignoring his friends proves to be non effective because chanyeol is at his apartment door at midnight. midnight when jongin is jacking off, about to come, so, so, so fucking close he can taste it. then chanyeol knocks and he has to stop, his dick throbbing. “what the fuck?” jongin wipes the lube from his hand and pulls his jeans back on, even though it does very little to hide his clear boner. 

 

chanyeol is soaking from the rain, breathing hard from probably running up the stairs instead of taking the elevator. “hey, oh, shit. you look famished.” chanyeol laughs right in his face and steps inside without jongin’s permission. “is your dick hard? oh! do you have someone over?”

 

“no.” jongin replies, shuts his door with a loud slam to show his disdain. “what are you doing here?”

 

“you didn’t answer my calls or texts.” chanyeol shrugs, rummaging through jongin’s fridge for something to eat. “also, i heard a little something from our mutual friend.” 

 

_ this _ is why jongin didn’t want to open the can of worms. jongin can feel himself go immediately soft at the thought of having to have this conversation. “what does that have to do with me?” 

 

“it has  _ everything _ to do with you.” chanyeol turns and looks at him, mouth half stuffed with what looks like cashews. “he said it’s pure silence from you since he said—”

 

“it’s  _ because _ of what he said that i decided to cut him off.” jongin hisses. 

 

“you didn’t cut him off. he cut  _ you _ off.” 

 

“whatever.” jongin waves chanyeol off, leans against his couch. “we were never friends. me and him. we had some weird… relationship. he has someone now. that’s not my business, so why the fuck are you here to talk about it?”

 

“because you’re clearly taking this harder than a friends with benefits should.” chanyeol looks smug, like he knows something jongin doesn’t. jongin has never been particularly violent, mostly fought with words, but he had the sudden urge to punch chanyeol in his face right now. “did you…  _ like _ him?”

 

“yeol…” he huffs, pinches the bridge of his nose from the headache he feels. it’s probably from irritation and from the fact that he never came earlier. “get the fuck out of my apartment before i break your nose.” 

 

“did you? minseok’s called me a few times, you know. he said he’s worried that maybe you’re pissed at him.” jongin pulls chanyeol out of his kitchen by his jacket, pushing him toward the door. “why don’t you just fucking call him? be an adult! you can be friends with someone you used to fuck!”

 

“get out.” jongin opens his front door and pushes chanyeol through the threshold, slamming it before chanyeol can come back in and run his mouth some more. jongin could never try and be friends with someone like minseok, not after everything they’d done. it felt impersonal to try some shit like that. 

 

he’d deleted minseok’s number shortly after he left that same night, so even if wanted to, which he didn’t, he couldn’t call or text him. that is if he wanted to. 

 

❣️❣️❣️

 

his energy seems to bleed out even at the workplace. jongin rarely did tattoos, but when he did it was small, simple ones. sehun, yixing and junmyeon were the main artists, the ones with years of experience. if it was something small, like a number or flower on someone’s hand or behind their ear, jongin would do it. so, when he has a girl freshly turned eighteen laying on his table with her shirt up to make room for jongin to tattoo a 6 on her left hip, it’s not difficult to feel the eyes on him. 

 

“what the fuck is everyone staring at?” jongin hisses, making the girl chuckle softly. 

 

“you’re never this quiet when doing a tattoo.” sehun states. jongin doesn’t reply, wipes the ink from the girl’s skin before leaning back and pointing toward the mirror for her to look at it. “seriously, what’s up with you?”

 

“nothing.” jongin mumbles, “ring her up for me? i’m gonna take a smoke.” 

 

jongin never does this either, but herbal cigarettes proved to be the same as the nicotine ones. just less cancerous. he steps out front and smokes, scrolls through his phone aimlessly, reads the texts jongdae had been sending him since three weeks ago. he has a right to be worried, but jongin can’t find it in himself to call or text back, tell his brother he’s fine. “you’re alive, then.” jongin nearly drops his phone at the voice. he looks up and finds minseok standing there, hoodie on, makeup a bit smudged. probably had a late night at the bar. jongin doesn’t think about asking. 

 

“yeah.” jongin puts the cigarette back in between his lips and shrugs. “did you need something?”

 

“that’s the card you’re gonna play?” minseok quirks an eyebrow at him, like he’s surprised jongin even opened his mouth. “alright. i came by to see you. since you’re being so blunt and honest.” 

 

“what for?”

 

minseok shrugs, “didn’t answer my texts, or my calls. stopping by wouldn’t hurt anyone.”

 

“i’m kinda busy right now, so.” jongin flicks his cigarette to the ground and steps on it. minseok glances through the glass window of the shop. there’s no one in there safe for the girl that’s chatting up junmyeon and sehun. 

 

“real busy.” minseok nods. “do you have time to talk?”

 

“i don't.” 

 

“jongin.”

 

“i’m busy.” jongin reminds him. “you must be, too. the bar and all.”

 

“the bar is fine.” minseok looks upset now, like jongin is pushing the right buttons to get under his skin. “when are you free? i could stop by your place.” 

 

“saturday.” jongin tells him, conceding but not entirely. he pushes open the door of the parlor and clears his throat before saying, “if you could, bring all the clothes i left at your place. the extra toothbrush, too.” 

 

he doesn’t hang around to hear minseok’s disdain, so he quickly makes his way to the bathroom at the back of the parlor and stays in there until he’s sure minseok is gone. 

 

it’s very much like being scolded by an older sibling, but jongin doesn’t dwell on it too much. the days leading up to saturday feel like a quiet build for the loudest crescendo of his life. he doesn’t bother cleaning, figures minseok will just drop his shit and leave, say a few words, maybe. 

 

jongin’s about to get a drink when a knock comes. for a beat, he considers not opening it, letting minseok think that maybe he forgot, or that he wasn’t home or asleep. “i know you’re in there, jongin.” 

 

fuck him. 

 

minseok looks better than he had a few days ago, more put together. jongin hates that, how he can look so well when jongin feels like roadkill run over twice. maybe he was taking this sudden separation harder than most friends with benefits would. he has a bag filled with what could be jongin’s things, but he doesn’t ask for it yet. jongin hands him a drink on impulse, wanting nothing more than getting something to help him relax in his veins. “ _ so _ .” minseok clears his throat, takes the beer from the counter and sits on one of the stools. “you’re avoiding me.” 

 

maybe he was. that wasn’t his business, though. jongin stares at a speck of dust on the hardwood floor, not responding to minseok’s very true and very clear accusation. “you shut me out since the last time i saw you.” minseok goes on, tries to catch his gaze by leaning down a bit. jongin looks away. “since i don’t know any better, this is me guessing that you weren’t too happy to hear that i’m seeing someone that isn’t you.” 

 

now that, that seems to get a reaction out of jongin. his spine goes rigid, like someone had just smacked him. “i don’t want to talk about this.”

 

“i’m right, then.” minseok sets the beer down, frowns like he’s the one getting prodded and interrogated. “jongin, you can tell me.” 

 

“god, what part of i don’t want to talk about this don’t you fucking get?” jongin snaps, looks at him finally. minseok doesn’t react to his sudden outburst of anger. his hands begin to shake, so he clenches them into fists, tries to will the bile in his throat down. “what do you want me to say, huh?”

 

“i’m not seeing anyone.” minseok says, his shoulders falling like he’d just pushed an entire weight off of them. “i never was. you’re just so… fucking caught up in your own head all the time that you don’t realize anything.”

 

“fuck off.” jongin grabs his own beer again, takes a particularly big swig from it, “just… why would you say that, then? if you weren’t, why even say it?”

 

“because i knew i wasn’t going to get you to say anything any other way. your reaction was exactly how i expected it to be.” 

 

“so?”

 

minseok tilts his head, like he’s really trying to get his expression, trying to analyze it, “jongin, do you—”

 

“shut up.” jongin interrupts him. “shut up. and leave.”

 

“is this what you do? you find someone and—”

 

“i didn’t  _ find _ anyone, okay?” jongin hisses, smoke practically coming from his ears. “you’re not… i’m not fucking in love you. is that what you think i am? is that what you came here for? to ask if i wanted to date you and be your boyfriend?”

 

minseok’s gaze softens as he shakes his head, “you’re confused. i get it. being angry with me won’t change the way you feel.”

 

he wasn’t confused about anything. minseok couldn’t know something like that. jongin couldn’t just bend, couldn’t just date someone, put his trust into someone so easily like that. he wasn’t built for that. “just go. i don’t want to see you.” 

 

being the adult, the elder, minseok nods, slides off the stool and fixes his jacket. he leaves the bag he brought with him on the counter. “you call me when you’re ready to talk.”

 

after minseok leaves, jongin paces for fifteen minutes before getting drunk by himself in his living room. he wakes up on his stomach in a puddle of his own vomit. 

 

❣️❣️❣️

 

jongin visits his parents and brother a week after his conversation with minseok. he hadn’t slept in two days and figured going home for a while would help. his parents are surprised to see him, his mother looking at him like he might disappear or snap any second. it’s difficult to talk, feels too much like a chore, but he tries for their sake. jongdae says very little, just hugs him, asks if he’s okay, did he need anything. jongin shakes his head, says he just needed to sleep. 

 

he’d moved out not too long. being the odd one out of the family proved to be difficult to live with, so once he saved enough for an apartment deposit, he moved into the city. it was closer to work, but he missed home, sometimes. 

 

being home also meant that he didn’t have to fear running into minseok on the street or at a club. or at the club he worked at, for that matter. jongin showers in his old bathroom, stumbles into his old bedroom and falls asleep in his old bed. if he had energy, the slightest amount of it, he would cry. 

 

asking anyone for advice is like pulling teeth for jongin. he’d tried back in high school, went to therapy a few times but ultimately stopped going when he felt his therapist knew too much. counseling was therapy’s more boring, less helpful little sister, so he never tried that again either. 

 

jongdae is still fairly young, barely nineteen, a freshman in college, bright and smart. he got all the good genes, jongin thinks. “so you like this guy.” it’s not so much a question, but jongdae’s expression gives the possibility. jongin stares down at the cigarette burning away between his fingers. he hums, nods a little. “and he likes you back.” again, another hum. “what the fuck is the problem, then?”

 

“i’m not… wired for that.” jongin shakes his head. “just… relationships and shit.”

 

“no, you’re just a pretentious idiot that thinks it’s edgy to not date anyone.” he’s right partially, but jongin doesn’t correct him. “going through life being scared of loving someone or letting someone love you isn’t going to do you any good.”

 

“yeah.” jongin sighs. “i’m pissed at him. i don’t want to see him.” 

 

“yeah, you do.” yes, he does. jongin drops his head back against the chair, groaning. “be a grown up, jongin. you’re not eighteen anymore.”

 

“easy for  _ you _ to say.” jongin rolls his eyes. “you haven’t even lived yet.” 

 

“and neither have you, apparently.” that strikes a nerve, but jongin tries not to show it in his expression. yeah, perhaps he hasn’t either. 

 

it’s not difficult to track minseok down. he only ever goes to work and then back home, so jongin waits outside of his apartment on a friday night, chewing his bottom lip like he might get the urge to leave if he doesn’t. minseok has the afternoon shift on friday’s, so the latest he should be home is midnight. jongin shivers, hugs himself and huddled against the wall. he should probably wait in his car, but that felt weird to do. getting out of his car as soon as minseok pulled up. 

 

jongin goes over what he wants to say in his head, but he’ll choke up, knowing himself. he has a sinking feeling that minseok will show up with someone tonight, find jongin on his doorstep and not know what to do. 

 

you’re being paranoid, shut up, you’re being paranoid. 

 

minseok shows up a few minutes after midnight. jongin springs to his feet quickly, watching and minseok walks across the parking lot. he’s seen him already, no backing out now. “you should have called.” is what minseok says first. jongin opens his mouth to respond, but then, “i would have cooked something for you.” 

 

“oh.” jongin nods. “it’s fine. i ate before coming here.” he didn’t, but this meant giving minseok one less thing to worry about. 

 

when they’re inside, minseok excuses himself to take a quick shower, claiming he smelled like hennessy and vodka. jongin slumps on his couch and stares at the small fish tank he has near his tv. his life would be so much easier if he was a fish. he wouldn’t have to worry about shit like this. 

 

minseok appears again, smelling clean. jongin knows the bodywash he uses, so he subtly smells him when he sits down. yeah, he still uses the same one. jongin always liked that one. especially when minseok let him eat him out, it never—

 

“jongin?” 

 

he jumps, hums like he wasn’t just remembering all those times his head had been between minseok’s legs. “sorry. yeah?”

 

“did you want to talk?”

 

“oh.” jongin says. “yeah. wanted to apologize for… last time. i was upset. i didn’t mean to lash out like that.”

 

minseok nods. jongin wants to die because minseok is so mature and understanding and he knows what he wants, knows what he’s doing. 

 

“i’m not… used to talking about shit like this.” jongin laughs, rubs a hand over his face like he’s waking up. “i don’t think it’s easy for me. to talk about…” jongin chews on his cheek, nerves bleeding through him, “my feelings. which is dumb of me, but… just always been that way.”

 

“i understand.” 

 

“i’m purposely difficult with people, so they won’t try anything with me. hence why my friend group is so small. hun and jun are there by default because of work. yeol’s… a virus i haven’t been able to kick for six years.” jongin pauses. “i don’t like having to try with people. too much work.”

 

“baby, you can say it, if you want. i won’t laugh at you for it.” and minseok is so easy to fucking open up to. jongin hates himself for ever thinking minseok was a cold person. it’s just surface expression, he thinks. 

 

jongin closes his eyes, digs his nails into the skin of his palms, sighs, chances a glance at minseok. he looks so tired, like he’d had a long night. “sorry for the way i acted. i do like you. i do. it just isn’t easy for me to say.” 

 

he might cry for some weird reason, but he swallows repeatedly to keep it down. minseok reaches out for him, whispering it’s okay as jongin crawls into his lap, hides his face in minseok’s neck. “thank you for talking to me.” minseok tells him, soothes a hand up and down the expanse of his back. “i appreciate it. thank you.”

 

jongin looks down at him, “we’re not gonna be weird now, are we?” 

 

“weird how?”

 

“just weird. egg shells kind of weird.” 

 

minseok smiles, shakes his head, “no, we’re fine.” 

 

jongin lays his head back down on his shoulder and closes his eyes. “let’s go to sleep.” minseok whispers, hikes him up on his hips to carry him to bed. jongin wants to explode because minseok is so small but he’s far stronger than jongin is. he kisses him before they get to his bedroom. the first time in weeks. it’s like a dam breaking through him, but he doesn’t go past that, doesn’t let his hands wander the way they normally would. 

 

minseok undresses him, scoffs when jongin suggestively spreads his legs, “to  _ sleep _ , jongin.” 

 

jongin agrees, falls asleep with minseok beside him, not cuddled up because jongin didn’t like being suffocated, but close enough that he can feel his warmth. 

 

❣️❣️❣️

 

maybe it’s a little weird after. after it’s pretty evident that they’re no longer just fuckbuddies and now two people who like each other, who have each other’s best interests in mind. jongin gets used to seeing minseok almost everyday, back when it was normally just once or twice a week. they go out to eat together, even if it takes jongin a full thirty minutes to leave his apartment without talking himself down and saying how badly it’s going to go. they do shit that couples do, but it feels  _ weird _ . 

 

jongin keeps trying to get past it, but it looms over him. any minute now minseok could get tired of him, could say that maybe this wasn’t what he was expecting from a relationship with jongin. 

 

“what’s on that mind of yours?” minseok, bless his heart, asks one night when they’re in jongin’s bed. he’d changed them that morning, just in case he got lucky tonight and minseok decided to fuck him into the mattress. 

 

“nothing.” jongin shakes his head, tucks his chin under the covers in an effort to make himself smaller. it takes jongin a few seconds before he speaks again, knows that minseok won’t let up. “don’t you feel weird?”

 

“weird how?”

 

“just… us? doesn’t it feel weird?”

 

minseok shrugs, “a bit, but that’s just because we knew each other beforehand. we were friends once.” 

 

“yeah.” jongin figures it’s that. the idea of suddenly dating one of your friends. “but… it’s different now, isn’t it? even when we have sex, it’s not like before.” 

 

“we were both angry whenever we saw each other before.” minseok laughs, like it’s evident. “it was never on good terms when we saw each other.” 

 

“that’s gross.” he scrunches up his nose. “ew, minseok, are we making love when we fuck? that’s so…” 

 

so that’s why it felt weird. now it wasn’t about just getting off, or about how many times minseok could get jongin to come in a few hours. he’s remembering now how a week ago minseok had been so sweet the entire time, even made jongin cry from the swell in his chest. god, minseok was  _ tender _ , even when he didn’t have to be.  

 

“you want me to be mean to you?” minseok raises his eyebrows. “choke you like before?”

 

“maybe.”

 

“if that’s what you want.” 

 

“no, that’s not—” jongin sits up, turns to face minseok. “it’s not just about me. i know i’m younger than you, but it’s about you, too. it shouldn’t just cater to me.” 

 

“okay.” minseok laughs, “what, then? what has you feeling so weird?”

 

“it just takes some getting used to.” jongin says, reaches for his hand to hold, which he rarely does. “thank you.” 

 

“what for?”

 

“for being sweet to me.” 

 

minseok hums, “how else am i supposed to get free tattoos?”

 

“you’re a dick.” jongin moves his hand away. 

 

“oh, i’m joking. you big baby.” 

 

jongin lies back down, curls up in a ball facing in minseok’s direction. “you think we’re gonna be one of those couples that gets tired after the honeymoon phase?”

 

“no.” minseok shakes his head. “who knows if i’ll ever get tired of you.”

 

❣️❣️❣️

 

there’s nights when jongin doesn’t want to spend the night at minseok’s or have minseok stay over at his. he enjoys sleeping on his own, likes the distance that minseok doesn’t seem to object against. they text when they’re not together, but it’s not constant, not like jongin’s gonna be pissed if minseok doesn’t reply. he’s busy, busy training new bartenders and making sure everything’s in order. 

 

jongin knows he’s in deep when he even considers letting his parents meet minseok. it’s not bad, but he’s just been wired a certain way all his life and now he has… minseok. 

 

minseok’s awfully patient with him, doesn’t get angry when jongin picks a fight over something so small that ten year olds wouldn’t even fight about it. he gives jongin time to himself, doesn’t smother him, but jongin feels like maybe he’s driving minseok away without really knowing it. 

 

it’s not so much that he wants to be away from minseok, but it’s better to not be so codependent. 

 

they’re coming back from a night at chanyeol’s when jongin invites him inside. it’d been a week since the last time minseok was in his apartment. minseok doesn’t object, just nods and walks inside with him. they talk, then jongin says he wants to take a bath. “do you want to…”

 

“to?”

 

jongin tsks, points over his shoulder toward his bathroom. “a bath. with me.”

 

“oh.” minseok blinks, then he nods, says something about having to clean up, too. 

 

this feels  _ weird _ , but jongin pushes past the nerves and only takes his shirt off, leaving just his jeans unbuttoned while he gets the water running. he’s thankful for having a more than average sized bathtub. they’ll both fit, but it’ll be tight since jongin’s taller. minseok waits by the sink, taking off his watch and chain, then his shirt and socks. 

 

“why do you have lube in here?” 

 

jongin turns and finds minseok nodding toward the bottle near his toothpaste. “never know when you’re gonna need it.” 

 

“it’s lube, baby. not neosporin.” 

 

he’s thankful that minseok makes him laugh, eases his nerves. 

 

it’s a tight fit, but jongin fits both of his leg to minseok’s left side while minseok’s shift towards his. jongin leans back and closes his eyes. he could fall asleep here, if he tried swaying himself. minseok’s doing the same, his head tipped to the side with his eyes closed. one of his hands drops in the water and circles around minseok’s ankle. he only opens his eyes to look down at it. through the soap and bubbles, minseok is, weirdly, smooth. “did you shave?” 

 

minseok hums, “no, i waxed. lost a bet with kyungsoo.” 

 

this is weird, but not in the bad context. jongin rubs his hand up minseok’s shin, feels the skin turn into silk the higher up he goes. his thighs, too. jongin keeps his hand on his knee, “doesn’t it feel weird? being all soft?”

 

“not really.” minseok opens his eyes, looks at him with a droopy and tired gaze. “the waxing felt nice. i’m all soft everywhere now.” 

 

“everywhere?”

 

jongin rolls his eyes when minseok laughs. he lifts his arms, his armpits bare from the hair that was normally there. “yeah, everywhere.” 

 

“not sure how i feel about this…” jongin muses, draws his hand back from minseok’s legs. “you must be some masochist if you like waxing. shit hurts.”

 

“it’s not that bad.” 

 

jongin can’t seem to shake the fact that minseok is all soft and silky even when they shower to rinse off the bath water. jongin even reaches out at some point, let’s his hand drift down the slope of minseok’s thigh. “you sure can’t stop touching me for someone that thinks it’s weird.” 

 

“whatever.” jongin dries his hair when they get out. he hadn’t even been thinking about fucking till now. he wasn’t some starved monster that needed dick twenty four seven, but  _ minseok _ . 

 

he has the nerve, too, to change into one of jongin’s briefs and large hoodies. he falls onto the bed and reaches for his phone, his legs on full display against jongin’s — thankfully — newly washed sheets. “this is weird.” jongin says again, still wrapped in his towel. “i have this weird urge to like… i don’t know.”

 

“you like it.” minseok tells him. “i am soft everywhere, you know.” 

 

“will it grow back?” 

 

“yes, it’ll grow back.” he looks at jongin from over the top of his phone. “why?”

 

jongin shakes his head. he didn’t care whether or not minseok waxed. jongin tugs on one of his legs and lays down between them, pressing his cheek to the skin of minseok’s inner thigh. minseok doesn’t protest, just adjusts to accommodate him. he hugs one of minseok’s legs the way you would a pillow and huffs. now,  _ this _ is weird, but jongin doesn’t bother thinking about it too much. 

 

“is that where you’re gonna sleep?” minseok asks, putting his phone down. jongin shrugs. “come up here for a minute.”

 

he waits a beat before letting go of minseok’s leg and crawling over him, dropping his weight on minseok’s chest in an effort to keep his dick in check. which didn’t usually end up working in his favor. the towel is beginning to become undone, anyway, but he holds it against his hips. “what?” jongin asks, notices how minseok’s staring at him, eyes a little devious, like he’s planning something. he just shakes his head, mumbles that it’s nothing. “what’s the look for?”

 

“you’re just handsome.” 

 

jongin tsks, makes a move to get up but minseok holds him in place by wrapping his legs around his torso. “i’m naked.” 

 

“sure you are.”

 

jongin thinks that night is when the thick layer of awkwardness and weirdness begins to dissolve. they fuck for what feels like hours. jongin laughing halfway through because minseok bumped his nose against his chin and was wincing from the pain, clutching a hand over his nose while still pile driving jongin into the mattress. and this is weird, but in a good way, to feel so bubbly and giddy with equal parts arousal and lust and affection. he tells minseok, breathless, clutching on to his arm, trying to not come before minseok does, mumbles a stupid and clumsy and short iloveyou. it’s not like he doesn’t mean it, he does, but it’s the worst time to say it. minseok looks shocked, but then jongin realizes it’s cause he just came. mortification settles in his stomach, still painfully hard but quickly getting soft after saying i love you with a dick in his ass. 

 

“you got pale. did i hurt you?” minseok asks, pulls out with a soft wince and ties the condom before tossing it in the trash bin. jongin shakes his head. “what, then?”

 

“nothing.” 

 

minseok frowns, presses close to him, trapping his dick in between their stomachs. he muffled a pained groan, tries to twist away. “what? you said you love me. why are you acting like you saw someone kick a puppy?”

 

“wrong time.” jongin says tightly. he feels anxious, stupid, like maybe he just put the cherry on top of a shit situation. minseok kisses his cheek, presses his mouth there. “minseok—” he swallows around the lump in his throat when minseok wraps his small, delicate hand around him. slow pumps, nothing that’ll get him to come anytime soon. 

 

“i’ve loved you for a very long time.” minseok says against his skin, bites into the flesh of jongin’s cheek. he moans, arches his face closer so he’ll do it again. minseok huffs a laugh when he notices the gesture, jongin pressing closer. he bites down again, something oddly warm settling in his chest from it. 

 

jongin comes quickly after, shame in his gut when minseok kisses his cheek. he closes his eyes, hopes he’ll disappear soon if he does it for a long time. “hey, honey.” minseok calls, distant. jongin opens his eyes. “what’s wrong, bear?”

 

“i’m sorry.” he blurts out. “just… it wasn’t the right time to say it. i’m—”

 

“it’s okay. i’m not upset.” minseok reassures, kisses him again, reaches over to the bedside table for a tissue to clean him up. “i love you, too.”

 

“okay. good.” jongin nods, smiles when minseok shoots him a glare. “this is corny as fuck.” 

 

“yeah, well.” minseok drops down next to him, huffs. “well?”

 

“don’t start with that shit again.”

 

❣️❣️❣️

 

minseok does meet his parents and brother. he’s an anxious mess the entire time before, during and after. they get along well, though. jongdae runs his mouth half of the dinner while minseok talks about his own parents, his job. how they met. they agreed a while ago to leave out the grungy details and instead settle for friends-turned-lovers story. half true, jongin assumes. 

 

it’s easy with minseok, but it’s also weird and unlike anything jongin has ever had. they have a conversation about moving in together and jongin feels lightheaded, says something about, are we going to buy lamps and be domestic and shit? 

 

minseok’s reply is yes, obviously. 

 

“we’re gonna have sex once a week, after we both shower, missionary, with the lights off.” jongin says. “that’s how our life is going to be.”

 

“once a week? like you’d be able to survive that.” minseok says around a mouthful of apple. they do shit like this now, too. eat fruit and sit and talk. 

 

“i wouldn’t, but that’s the point.” jongin huffs. “should we get a pet? name him templeton or something?”

 

minseok groans, but he’s smiling like an idiot, “jongin, enough.”


End file.
